The following story was read at Steve Ridley's Celebration of Life in September 2005.

Several years ago our Aikido school was accused of being a social club. Initially I rejected this claim as being both untrue and unfair, "we are a martial art". When I first heard of Steve's stroke I felt as though our family, my family, my brother, not just our classmate was stricken.

I spent the first week of Steve's stay at Strong contemplating this feeling. It occurred to me that relationships evolve.

People first investigate the Aikido dojo and join based on expectations of personal gain and goals, the goal to develop something. They are initially reinforced by the support and caring of fellow students. It's comfortable to be in an environment with like minded and supportive people. It is this support and like minded intent that feels like a "social club", that feeling is necessary, but that's only the 1st feeling, of belonging.

With continued practice and exposure to these supportive people comes a sense of expanded belonging to a community, the Aikido Rochester community. From this larger community naturally comes smaller sub-groups, smaller cliques, friendships based on practice times, testing schedules and/or common personalities. People come and go those that come and stay will evolve through these levels of belonging. Following social club, community and friendship comes a more unconditional bonding, a sense of family. Family members are accepted and loved for their own uniqueness. This sense of belonging extends past a few, it extends to include many.

It's not an inner circle, although it may look like that from the outer circle, it's an extended family.

This evolution takes years. Trust affects the speed, trust that the newer student's intent is sincere, here to stay and their trust that the established family will accept them both on and off the mat. This family bond extends beyond the four walls of the dojo.

This is why it was not just a classmate that had a stroke, but a family member, my brother.

This bond was not based on familiarity or similarity, for I did not know Steve well before his stroke. I only learned of his life long challenge with epilepsy during a recent car ride home from winter camp in the spring of 2003, and the reading of his black belt essay.

The hospital staff would initially ask if I was family, for they only give details and attention to family members, instinctively I always replied yes, brother. In the Aikido Rochester family we are all brothers and sisters.

Yoko, a friend from Boston, and I visited Steve one Saturday when she was in town for a seminar. Steve was in his chair waiting for his mother to take him downstairs for a musical event. I asked the attendant if we could take him outside for a few minutes of fresh air. Again, I was asked if I was family, his brother. I instinctively and automatically responded yes. After the sunshine and fresh air we returned Steve to the loving care of the 2nd floor staff. Ro had called while we were gone to check on the status of his readiness. She was told that Steve was outside with his brother. Ro asked "which brother". Steve has many more brothers than Bill and Roger and many more sisters than Helen and Susan. Most of the people here today could call themselves family, Steve's brothers and sisters...

Note to Mentors

Calling all mentors! Please help us to keep our mentoring book up-to-date. If you have changes that need to be made to your page such as address, phone number, the names of the students you are mentoring, etc., please email your changes to Tim Quinlan at timothy_quinlan@frontiercorp.com. Thank you!

Black Belt Meeting - Saturday, December 3 at 11:00 am
No Classes or Open Mat - December 24 and 25
Black Belt Practice - Tuesday, December 27 at 8:00 pm

Winter Camp - March 10 - 12, 2006 - Lawrenceville, NJ - Watch the bulletin board for more details!

Whether one believes in a religion or not, and whether one believes in rebirth or not,
there isn't anyone who doesn't appreciate kindness and compassion.
- The Dalai Lama